Seriously…been keeping pretty quiet about all that I am going through because I’ve been told “it seems like I’m complaining” or it appears that I’m “looking for attention” and I just need to be grateful because it could be worse. Well, how do you know? You’re not in my shoes… are you? Man, I’d NEVER ever NEVER ask anyone to step into my shoes!!! It sucks!
So, let me just say, I’m sharing a small part of my story. Just maybe, if I can, I’d like to help someone like me. Just to be a sounding board or share knowledge…this act of servitude goes a really long way. I wish I had more people riding in my bus, who understood, knew what empathy was and truly, really, deeply cared about ME! I’m not begging for anything or asking anyone to be that person…but before you pass judgement about someone like me, stop and think about how you’d feel if it were you or you were dealing with someone like me in your own family. Words hurt and I have been hurt recently by people I know because of their lack of understanding. Don’t add more to my plate….it’s hard enough every single day for me right now.
Every day in my home is a challenge. I feel for my husband and my child. They physically see and emotionally FEEEEEEL my pain, grieving, frustration, anger, and sadness. Yes, those are all some pretty icky and negative feelings, but their real and not sugar coated. My husband has had to change 90% of what he cleans his body with, uses for personal grooming and even what he is eating…as has my child. Guess what…mom is really allergic to corn. Do you know what it is like to read EVERY SINGLE LABEL? I’m not talking just food labels, I’m talking in a literal sense…EVERY SINGLE LABEL!!! I challenge you to go find one, just one…not kidding, item in your bathroom that doesn’t contain phenoxyethanol, benzyl alcohol, fragrance, essential oils, or cocomidopropyl betaine; this is a small list compared to the chemical list I’m actually allergic to! There are over 20 and those 20 go by no less than 250 more names. I’ve compiled a very detailed list on Evernote, just so I can stand in store aisles plugging in labels and searching ingredients.
It’s debilitating! It’s really hard right now. I’ve had hives since mid September. Not little itchy nuisances that are the size of tiny dots the size of a pen mark, over 1 inch of my belly…it’s massive hives that can get up to 8 inches long and 5 inches wide….one hive!!! Some are 3 inches tall and go from hip to hip…full of oblong and tiny hives. There are nights I am up for 2 hours because the itching is soooo bad and I’m sitting waiting for the Benedryl to kick in and the ice pads to take away the heat! The worst part is everyone seems to have a degree from some internet company, giving them the right to spew opinions and quote things they find on the internet…the darn facebook groups are more harm than help. I can’t tell you how tired I am of people approaching me with their diagnosis or asking me to try whatever the latest and greatest product is, because they’ve been told it’s chemical free.
What is chemical free? What does that really mean to you? You cannot escape chemicals. Trust me, I’m trying and I’ve yet to find it possible, unless I’m in my kitchen brewing up some homemade concoction. For instance, I have been to every personal grooming location I can think of and walked down aisles in every store I’ve been in reading labels. I haven’t found a single hair gel, mousse, pomade or dry shampoo that doesn’t contain something I can’t use. I’ve made my own pomade…it’s working, but man that chemical laden stuff works sooooo much better. As a result of this, I’ve decided to forgo my cute sassy hair that is who I am to grow into a simple short cut that requires less product and maintenance. I’m 45 years old, going gray and I’m letting those sparkles shine bright…embrace it, it’s all I can do. Why? I cannot do all over color in my hair any longer.
It will all work out and I’ll rise above it all. My body will be free of 95% of the chemicals everyone else is subjected to every single day. Maybe, just maybe, this will prolong my life or keep my body free of disease. I wonder every single day if the chemicals are why cancer, add, adhd, and so many other diseases are so prevalent today. What do you think?